The daemonic has touched me, it has spoken to me, it has shown me the furture and gave me insight in how the understand peoples true intensions, it has helped me battle injuitice
Is has been a gift but also a curse, but I would'nt be who I am without it
And i certainly don't want to live in a world without the daemonic
Scroll down and get a glimps of some of my experiences
Some is during meditation, some a during invocation others a during dreams
Some you may understand some you may not
time 35 min 9:00pm - 9:35pm
Before: annoyed that I didn't get to do the exercises yesterday. Even though I have been calm for most of the day, I can feel the I didn't do my routine yesterday
1: A lot of focus on my breathing, the pause between the set sent a wave of peace and calm through my body. a very good feeling
2: Though I had candle lit, is was as if the light was turned down when I exhaled and turned up when I inhaled. Felt like my body was sort melting into the floor.
3: Here i felt a major improvement. There was a bubble in my mouth that was getting bigger and bigger. What started with that I lost the feeling in my fingers ended with that i couldn't move my arms or legs. I tried to move them, but i could only move my elbows. It was only when i coughed that i get "free". When i closed my eyes i could see what looked like a female face, lurking at me from the shadows of the darkness, again i got the feeling that i didn't belong here. My breathing got so relaxed that i didn't notice it anymore, only when i returned my focus on my breathing could i feel inhale/exhale.
4: Though im still some sort struggling with this one, it keeps getting better. And the end it felt like my finger was sinking into my forehead.
After: Really happy with my breathing, feels a lot better. My body feel different, my movement feels strange, guess its a good sign.
time 45 minuts 9:45pm - 10:30pm
before: stressed, pissed of
1: still felt the wave of relaxing between the sets, can feel my heart thundering and my body is moving for every "thump"
2: can only feel my heart, struggeling with finding my inner peace
3: can still feel my heart and the movement in my body. Was prepared to stop, when i could feel the numbness in my fingers, so i continued. The feeling of being paralyzed was back with full force :oD, i could also feel something on the left side of my face. Can't move my head at all.
There start to appear a blue fog, after a while in turns into a big castle-like wood gate with two big poles on each side. see picture 1 And i heard someone/something say "keep going, do this for a longer time and you will gain some new friends" The blue fog returns and turns into a zebra pattern see picture 2 I can no longer feel my heart or my breathing. Only when i return my focus on my breathing i find out that ive stopped inhaling, when i got my breathing going again, i try and "find" the beating of heart, but i cant locate it. At this point i feel like its time to move on but i cant "get free". I have to visualize the words "get back!!!" before i surface again note to teacher: do you have any ideas why why i was "looked"???
4: Im completely drained after what happened in exercise 3, both psychically and emotional, so i just focus on my breathing. I cant feel my finger touching my forehead and after a few minuts my hand falls flat in my lap and i call it a day
after: relaxed and clear minded, i have forgotten why i was stressed and pissed off. don't know what to think of the things i saw and hear in exercise 3, but i think something/someone was trying to contact me
I was gone, there was oozing a thick liquid down my forehead. i can't feel myself, my fingertips are burning, can't feel the floor beneath my feet. I get short glimpse of myself as a super being with the knowledge and power to rule all. Sometimes it feels like my head are jerked to the side, followed by a popping feeling/sound and everything turns back to blackness, all that remains are a black and empty void.
While i'm sitting and writing this rapport and think about the things that has happen during the meditation, it still feels like there is something oozing down my forehead and when touch my forehead I get the feeling there are missing something. Again the feeling of not belong from week 1, here has returned
I diffidently thinks that experience are more powerful when I'm sitting in my chair, then when I was laying in the bathtub.
I have more control over my thoughts, the black nothingness was there almost right from the get-go, so I used some time, to let it grow in size, after that I "made" a focus point and became one with it. Thereafter I used some time to merge with the blackness and a short while all became black.
no thoughts, no feelings, no pictures, no nothing. All was gone
It was it this point that I started to feel the oozing sensation from my forehead, the more I focused on it, the more it was oozing and the thicker it got. I also got the feeling that something, the size of a palm was pressing hard against my forehead. When the sensation was at it highest, the liquid has spread, is now covered from the top of my head, to right below my eyes.
For just a short while it was some what unpleasant, I didn't know what was happening and couldn't seems to stop it og make it go away. BUT when I came to terms with and accepted it, I wasn't afraid anymore
Today I did a meditation on Marbas,
a daemon that I've worked with before,
both meditation and ritual.
During the meditation I was overwhelmed
with fear, I have never been so afraid before,
this was only made stronger by that I felt like
I was not alone in the room.
Felt fear, I has my hands in my lap and felt my hands and legs melting together. Could hear what can best be describe as chanting in a large cave, to more I focused on the sound the higher and stronger it got and the more afraid I got. I felt like there was someone with me in the room, Afraid, so very afraid, it's the first time that I've felt fear during meditation and it's freaking me out. Felt a pressing sensation in my temples, the sensation moved so that I felt like something was oozing out of my forehead.
Used more time studying the sigil and speaking the enns before closing my eyes. While I still had my eyes open I could feel humming vibrating sensation in my head, from my temples to the top of my head. When I closed my eyes it felt like something was touching my right ear. during the meditation, this feeling spread over my chick and over my right eye. There was no fear tonight, but I sure I'm not alone. The last image I got before I stopped the meditation, was a image of me giving the sigil of Marbas to my son, so that he could better understand what it means to be alive.
Tonight meditation was rather strange, after I spoke the enns and looked at the sigil I closed my eyes, straight away I felt a humming vibration sensation in my head and my body felt heavy and pressed down. My hands felt into my lap and I was overwhelmed with a wave of images, which just kept coming and coming and coming. There where so many that I can't really remember any of them. When I try to recall some of them, my mind just goes blank. The only thing that sticks is that I got a vague idea of how to look at the sigil of Marbas. see pictures
1: Present Self, as "I" am now
2: The bad things in life
3: The good things in life
4: The perfect human and mind
For the most part there was only darkness, paralyzed feeling both arms and leg, to a degree that i couldn't feel my hands. When I turned my focus to my arms, I could feel how BIG STRONG and SOLID they were, I felt big strong and mighty as a mountain. Did also feel fear, couldn't say what I was afraid of, but the fear was diffidently there. For short periods I felt like there was a hot ring around my head. I got repeatedly goosebumps from my forehead, over the top of my head and down my back.
Much more powerful experience today. First a summery of what I was feeling. Felt heavy, heavy as the Earth itself, not just my arms and legs, but my whole body. Could feel how I was growing into the floor and chair. Could feel the ground under my house. I got a prickling feeling in my temples, like there was put needles in my skin, but without pain, i got the same feeling in my hands. And I could swear someone/something was poking my shoulder. I could feel how some people had failed and betrayed me, which made me really mad. But I could also feel how some people have supported me. But I couldn't place these people. I also saw groups of people talking about me behind my back, both good and bad. Again I wasn't able the place the persons.
When I was coming in and coming out of the meditation, there was a deep growl coming from my throat. I more felt rather than heard it. But it was there. I'm sure of it.
At the beginning of the meditation I spoke out the enns, during this I could feel my lib going numb
Again I started with the Enns where my lib became numb. As I was doing this and look at the sigil and saw it a whole new way and understood how I should look at it. see picture
1:The gate that is the present and the riddles one must solve to move on
2:The past that pulls in you and your mind
3: The future that tells you to move on
At the beginning I saw a lot of faces looking at me from the darkness, most of them belonged to old gentlemen. I also got a lot images of people who was stopped or interrupted in their work. I could hear a constant humming sound, I "lost" contact with my chair, so it felt like I was floating around in space. I also got the oozing feeling that I got in week 3, but this time it came from the top of my head. It felt like there was dripping water down on me and it was running down my head. It felt so real that I almost lifted my hands to wipe it away. The feeling stopped after a while.
Gusion - take 2
Early on I felt numb in my arms and legs, I saw a white diamond, that was pulsation in a white light, after a while it changed form, to white waves that going from the bottom of my vision and into the horizon, Got a lot of pictures of people that had killed others due to honor, a couple of the people asked me what I would have done. Had from the begining up until halfway a buzzing sensation in my whole body, when this stopped, I was overwhelmed with chills, and I felt like something was touching my neck. There also appeared a big frog, it started wiht I only saw the eyes, but after a while the whole head appeared from the darkness. At the end I began to get cold, really cold, so I had to stop. After the medition I asked my wife if she could into my room and check if it was cold, she said that it was nice and warm???
When I started the meditation, I spoke the enns while looking at the sigil, and again i saw it from a new perspective
From the get go, it felt like i was melting into my chair and i could feel a warmth rising up from the floor into me legs. After that nothing happened for a while, so i began repeating the enns in my mind, then my body became really heavy, and i could feel a warm ring, the size of a tennis ball, pressing against my forehead. Then it became quiet again, but i was still heavy and i could still feel the ring. After a while I spoke the name Bifron in my mind, and tried to imaging what he would look like, then i could feel the ring pulling my head up and streching my back, so that i became longer and longer, and my head was tilted backwards. It was then that i saw a skeleton face looking at me. Then it became quiet again. When the mediation ended, it still felt like me face was tilted backwards, but when i opened my eyes, i was looking down at my desk.
Only a few things happened, but those things that did happened, was very powerful. I got a buzzing sensation my fingers and toes, i used to this sensation from when i practicing tai chi, but this time it was very powerful, so powerful that it was close to become unpleasant. I could also feel a pressing ring in my forehead rith above my eyes. The more i focused on it, the more powerful the buzzing and the pressing sensation became. There was also a lot of things that was moving around in the dark, pictures came and went. Suddenly i felt like something was pushing me and i felt like i was falling backwards, my eyes sprang up, and all was blurry, all but the sigil, that almost was glowing. I closed my eyes again, and i was overwhelmed with fear, because out of the dark, the was a face looking at me and i knew right away who it was. BALAM. even though the was blacker than black i could see all the details. And even though it was very scary and i was close to stop, i kept looking back and speaking out loud with me mind "I know who you are" He then smiled at me
How I've found my own sigil and enn
I used some techniques that i learned and with them i slowyl became one with the darkness, after a while i began calling out to BALAM, MARBAS and GUSION inside my mind, for every time i called out, the darkness became blacker and blacker and the outlines of my vision began vibrating. After a while i could feel a difference in my body, i was more relaxed, i could not feel the chair i was sitting in, i could not feel the floor anymore, it felt like my head surrounded by bodywarm water and my fingertips and palm was burning with energy
Back on night meditation, the sigils belonging to BALAM, MARBAS and GUSION are laying in front of me. After a short time i could something that was pressing my head toward my right shoulder, really hard, it felt something was trying to break my neck. I really had to struggle to keep my head straight. after a while I get somewhat tired of it, so i said out loud "STOP IT!!!" and the pressing is lifted a bit. I can't feel my body, so i began calling out to the 3 daemons, after a while words start coming to me and began creating sentences, the words gives so much meaning, that I KNOW that i have found my enn. So i began repeating the enn again and again. When i turn focus back to my body, i notice something weird. There's a heavy buzzing sensation in my fingers, my head feels like a giant ball and my neck feels really really long, it felt sort of like "my self" is floating under the feeling in to room and there is a thread connecting my hands and head. I also got some ideas to my sigil, but i need to work some more with them.
After a couple of days I'm back to meditation to found out if the daemonic is happy with my design
I have drawn my sigil and written my enn onto a piece of paper, that's laying along side the sigil of the 3 daemons. I spoke 3 shorts prayers before i started the meditation.
Not a lot a things happen today, but those things that did happen, was really powerful and was present almost all the time.
I felt a very hot feeling flowing up from the floor, there was a heavy buzzing sensation all over my head and i felt like something was oozing out from my forehead. I was shown some pictures that made me certain that I've picked the right enn, i was also shown a altered version of my sigil, which made sence, so i will make the alteration to my sigil and see how it feels.
I called upon the 3 daemons that i feel had helped me with the enn and sigil, almost right after that my vision became blacker than black and i felt like i was not alone in the room. I thanked them again for the help and a feeling of joy and gratefulness was flowing through my body and somehow I KNEW and still KNOW that they will always be there to help me.
Last day of the ritual:
Darkness and emptiness was overpowering today. Had some mixed feelings that made some noise, but i got them under control. The darkness came flowing toward me in waves, i got the feeling that i needed to burn my sigil and enn, plus the 3 sigil and enn of the 3 daemons that had helped me. While i was burning them i called out to them, asking them to give WILL, BLOOD and STRENGH/POWER to my sacrifice. After that i again closed my eyes. After a while my enn and sigil came to me shining bright like it was made of fire. The rest of the meditation i was shown a lot pictures of lightning and fire that was destroying rock, earth and wood. A very powerful display.